Summer of Change

Change is inevitable they say, and I agree.  You can run, you can hide, but it will certainly find you.  It's almost better to seek it out I think, because if you avoid it, it seems to go much worse than it would have otherwise.

Our culture as Americans is to resist change, we all do it.  But, if it is indeed inevitable, why do we do it?  Seems a little silly to me.  Yet we avoid it at all costs.  The person who advocates for changes at work usually gets a reputation as a complainer or someone to be avoided.  Is it really them that we are avoiding?

This summer my wife and I got married.  We also planned to move because our landlord had a better house down the street become available at a much better deal.  So we were very excited.  Little did we know how much moving at the beginning of June would effect us with our wedding about 3 weeks away from that.  Moving and weddings are in the top 5 stressors.  Great planning eh?  All that in addition to hosting family and friends and making sure everything worked out.  We planned and did most of the wedding ourselves, a very DIY project.

All of that change coupled with my internship for my grad school program really wore on us.  We honestly did not feel like we got a decent nights sleep all summer.  Thankfully my wife got a chance to rest a bit before school kicked back in (in JULY!!!) and right now I have a bit of time of before my school starts up.  But I can't remember us ever feeling this run down.

So maybe this is why we avoid change?  It certainly takes a toll on us.  But the one thing I have learned is that every time I go through change and stress I learn something valuable or I grow in a way I would have never guessed otherwise.  I truly believe this is why we can never really see God's plans for us until we see them in hindsight.  I think if we knew what was coming or where we are going, we would only make a mess of it.

The strongest wood for building is that which has been stressed by weather and wind.  The finest metals are those refined by fire.  I would encourage anyone to seek after change, to challenge yourself as much as you can.  Seek to take the choice that is difficult or uncomfortable.  Every time at work or school when I have had to be uncomfortable, or do something I didn't want to, it changed me, and usually it was an amazing experience.  I have found some of my favorite things in life by being uncomfortable and having to change.

I think the book of James says it best:  Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

Our wedding turned out to be amazing, our new house is great, and my internship finally got sorted out.  The point?  I learned a lot about myself, my wife, and life this summer.  Had I resisted these changes or not embraced them, but instead fought them, I don't think I would be as happy as I am today.  If change is inevitable then ask "what's next?" rather than "why me?"

Winning?

I wrote this today for a class in my graduate program, seems fitting to add here.  I welcome your comments and thoughts!

            The recent news surrounding actor Charlie Sheen has had me thinking a lot.  I see people saying all kinds of things about him, but very few seem to truly understand what is going on.  After watching several hours of current and past interviews, I am convinced he has bipolar disorder.  He has said many times that he has trouble sleeping and will stay up for days at a time.  He lately has engaged in reckless behavior (drugs, sabotaging his job, etc), he speaks in very grandiose terms about himself, and he has lots of disconnected thoughts and uses bizarre terms. 

            What I have been thinking is that most are dismissing this as solely drug related or him having a giant ego, or just a “meltdown”.  America by and large has little to no understanding of mental illness.  Charlie sounds very similar to many clients I had while working at Magellan.  What upsets me about this whole situation is our cultures’ ignorance of mental illnesses.  If someone famous had become confused and wandered the streets because of diabetes, the discussion would be “oh poor guy, he just got off his medication and he needs some help and support”.  That is how it should be in regard to Charlie or anyone else with bipolar or schizophrenia.  We should be able to identify what is truly going on and seek to support or help, not judge from a seat of ignorance. 

            I think this all begins with education.  We should be educating children as well as adults regarding understanding mental illness.  Up to 20% or more of the population have some form of mental health issues, but it seems that a small fraction seem to be educated on the topic enough to support or understand the difficult challenges illness presents.  If we would disassociate from our fears of “odd” behavior, educate ourselves, and open our minds we would have a much healthier society.  The US is far behind the rest of the world in its attitudes toward mental illness.  It is truly unfortunate, because if we did indeed have a more educated stance on these illnesses treatment would improve, there would be less need for incarceration, and hopefully over time the severe outcomes from these illnesses would fade because we would be recognizing, supporting, and treating much earlier. 

            The thing I find most frightening for people with bipolar and schizophrenia is that their very illness inhibits them from getting help or taking medication.  People view Charlie Sheen as this pompous guy who should grow up and be thankful.  I say his grandiosity and arrogance stem from his illness and if it were not for his illness he would not behave that way.  Further, it’s that mindset that he has that keeps him from realizing how ill he is and would likely have him believing he does not need treatment or medication.  The biggest struggle in working with someone who is bipolar is getting them to stay on their medication.  It is hard for someone who views themselves as healthy and intelligent to accept that they have an illness and need medication.  Why?  Because of the stigma our culture associates with mental illness.  Again, with education and a cultural shift, we would be helping the ill and the healthy alike.  However, it is very American to stigmatize the things we fear which is sad.  As a result many are needlessly suffering and the families and friends they have are sitting there wishing for the same changes I am describing here.

California Trip!

This year I was blessed to take my daughter and fiancée to meet my best friend, his wife, and their son over in California. Amir's wife is from California so they were there visiting her family for the holidays. They currently live in Miami Shores, FL. So, getting to see Amir, Carina, and lil Mr. Noah is an all too rare treat.

I was so excited for this. Due to time, distance, and money issues over the years, Amir had never met Olivia. Amir and I find it weird it took so long, but we were glad to finally have a chance to make it happen. It turned out to be an amazing trip. No issues with travel, hotel, or anything really. My only issue is that Amir and Carina live so far away. It truly is a challenge to miss those you loves the most. My family and most of my friends are in Indiana, Amir & family in Florida. I would give a lot to be closer to them and have more time with them all. However, I am incredibly blessed to have this opportunity to be with my daughter here in Arizona. Being a part of her life, raising her, and making memories with her far outweigh my losses. Had I not come here, I would never have met Lindsey and missed the blessing that she is in my life.

We may not always enjoy giving things up, or making tough changes, but I think that we will find if we are true to God's purpose in our hearts, He blesses us wherever we go and whatever we do. I have found that closing ourselves off to uncomfortable changes, things like relocation or career switches, etc means we can truly miss out on wonderful blessings we would have not experienced otherwise.

My challenge to myself and to anyone else is this: why remain comfortable? Why not take a risk and see where it leads you? Why not chose the painful choice over the easy one? You certainly can still be happy if you don't, but you could also miss out on amazing things.

In my moments of being homesick or missing family and friends, I think on the blessing of my time with my daughter and having found Lindsey. Counting your blessings is an easy way to heal a sad moment. It doesn't cure it, but it takes some of the bitter out of the bittersweet.

(click to enlarge)

Where did we go wrong?

In light of the recent shooting here in Arizona, I cannot help but be appalled at where we have ended up as a society. There have always been "crazy" people doing inexplicable things, but something has changed. Do you remember, I think it was a year or so ago, when a former executive type guy crashed a small plane into an office building? He was furious with our government and what it si doing to the people of this country.

Timothy McVeigh, the OKC bomber, also "crazy", but also said he was angry at the government for the treatment of the people. He believed the only way to draw attention to it was to do something that drastic.

This kid in Tucson, again, "crazy" yet upset to the point of drastic measures.

What all of this has made me wonder, is if we, culturally, are setting ourselves up for more things like this to happen? Think with me a moment about this. There was a time, not that long ago, where school shootings, office place shootings, and other public violence would have been unheard of. Granted it is still shocking now. But there have been so many now that some don't even make the national news.

How did we get here? From never or incredibly rare, to so common that the news media may actually pass on taking a violent office shooting national? Wow. Something somewhere broke.

Personally I have some ideas, but it would take research to validate them. But I believe we made some cultural changes that are in conflict with our nature, and some, that feed the wrost parts of our nature.

You know when people experience something simple, like a mom & pop shop, or doing some yard work with their hands, or going to a town that is still very much "old school"? They always remark how nice and refreshing it is.

What do we complain about the most? Look no farther than your friends' facebook statuses. The daily grind. Work. Routine.

I think that as we have moved toward big businesses, mazes of cubicles, bad work conditions, and barely-there benefits, we have become victims of our own greed and selfishness. We work very hard at jobs we hate, to buy lifestyles we want. But the "crazy" thing to me, is our biggest complaints are centered around that very pursuit.

However, we seem to enjoy "the little things" now because of their simplicity, and the change of pace and relief from the grind. Ever pause and wonder why that is? I do, often.

If you travel to Europe you will see a large contrast. People have less money, smaller houses, less cars. Heck, the cars aren't pretty at all. Apartments and homes are small and simple. People walk or take public transportation, and their closets are filled with much less than ours. But here is the difference. There is a much lower rate of mental health issues there, less instances of the "crazy" behavior that is becoming regular here. Now, I realize there are exceptions to this. There are countries with significant issues. However those tend to be related to the instability of the country itself. But in general, life is a lot calmer and people are happier, in general, in place where simplicity and a lack of material pursuits are part of their culture.

As far as McVeigh, the executive, and Jared Loughner, there are many things going on there. And I can't sum up what went wrong with them in a simple cause and effect, not even just mental health. However, they as a whole show the bigger picture of our cultural having be derailed.

I can't condone or excuse violent behavior. I can however understand how a small business owner could feel so frustrated by his/her inability to survive because of being choked out buy monopolies and big business. It has to be very troubling to want to run a business but to fall prey to a lack of support, politics, and conditions that really shouldn't exist. I can see where conditions like this would cause someone to snap and end up drinking, or lashing out, and in some cases "going crazy". It's this chain of events that I believe can lead to office shootings, murder-suicides, and public shootings. People can break down and do things they would never dream when they are desperate or depressed. It is easy to label them as crazy, but I ask, how did they get there?

I guess my thought is this. When things were less convoluted than they are today, we didn't see this behavior at least nowhere near this magnitude. We didn't have thousands of kids on psych meds and behavior plans.

I think there is a reason why people enjoy simple things. I think there is a reason why people want to retire somewhere quiet, or why we don't want to leave when we visit a relative that lives in a quaint small town. Our souls are compatible with peace and simplicity. Personally, I am trying to keep my life as simple as I can, and to hold on to every bit of that small hick town where I was raise.

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